


bagbag na loob

by sincerlyconnor



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Dead Michael, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Jeremy is Regreteful, M/M, Post-Squip, Sad, Suicide mentions, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 04:25:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11684022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerlyconnor/pseuds/sincerlyconnor
Summary: "bagbag na looba broken spirit;"





	bagbag na loob

**Author's Note:**

> pure angst train ahead

 

 

> **Jeremy:** I miss you

So Much

Why am I still texting this number?

Because I refuse to believe you're gone

I can't get your body out of my mind

I was the one who found you

I never wanted to see my best friend and the love of my life dead

Fuck it hurts so much Michael

I know you can't read these

But I don't care

I miss you so goddamn much.

When I called an ambulance, still holding onto the hope that you could be alive, on your arm you have written 'bagbag na loob' and i remember it so vividly

I looked it up and means 'broken spirit' or 'broken hearted'

I'm so sorry Michael

It's my fault

I remember that when I gave you that card for your birthday, you burst out in tears because no one, not even your mom remembered

I can't date Christine, not when everytime I see her smile I think of how much better it made me feel to see yours

And how I'll never see it in person again

My lockscreen is still your smiling face

It hurts to see, but sometimes I forget that you're gone

Goodnight buddy

 

 

> * * *
> 
> **Jeremy:**

The funeral is next week

There's a small memorial for you at your locker

People keep asking me if I'm doing okay

Christine asked yesterday and I snapped at her

How can people think I'm okay?

I'll go over to your house sometimes and sit in your room. I don't move anything, I just stand and look.

Your collection of Polaroid photos made me breakdown.

In fact, that's where I am right now.

I'm sitting on the floor of your room.

Your mom checks in on me sometimes, asks if I need anything

All I really need is to have you back

There's a feeling in my chest like my heart was ripped out

It was, It definitely was.

I love you Michael

* * *

 

 

 

> **Jeremy:**

fcu yiu

whfy fdi you keave?

yuo were doign sso goo.d

rich offrred me a drrink so i hd a lot

i miss yody do mcuh

cokem back

please

pelase

ithurtd

imsohhgin in the batrhom

remindsme of fingnng you

yuoi lokedso peacfeuil dead

icantt get it otu of mu mind

dont levae me aloen

yourre the onyl thinf i evrr wanted or neeeeded n a persn

andu itsmy faukt youre fukking dead

come abck mikawl

ineed my player 1

* * *

 

 

 

> **Jeremy:**

You've officially been gone for a month

It doesn't get easier?

I've been getting high more often recently

The other day I got so high I couldn't feel my fingers

I have your name written on my wrist

Right next to the pacman tattoo we got together.

I'm so sorry I hurt you so bad.

I'm so sorry that I'm the reason you died.

You used to say your mom didn't care about you. She hugged me this morning when i was over there, she was crying so much. She looked so tired Mikey, she looked so so so tired

I wish I could've helped you

The counciler tried helping me, giving me greif counsiling.

All I can think of is the times we spent together

Getting stoned in your basement, playing video games, buying soda and slushies at two am. Why can't that happen anymore?

* * *

 

 

 

> **Jeremy:**

This number isn't gonna work out some day

But I still always hope for some dumb fucking reason that I'm gonna open my phone and see a text from you, or see your smiling face down the hall. Or even wake up to you barging through my door screaming bob marley and cursing at me in a different languages.

I really fucking miss you

I can't even describe it

It's this empty spot in my mind.

I'm so lost.

* * *

 

 

 

> **Jeremy:**

Why didn't you leave a note?

All you left your mom, left the police, left ME, was "bagbag na loob" writted sloppily in orange marker

heartbroken

a broken spirit

why didn't you at least say goodbye?

come back michael

please

i would trade the rest of my happiness to see you one more time, if i even had happiness left.

* * *

 

Jeremy:I love you  


** ERROR **

#  **_We’re sorry. You have reached a number that is disconnected or that is no longer in service._ **

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment they give me purpose skskskks


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